Billionaire, Playboy, Philanthropist
by HawaiianLei13
Summary: "If you're reading this, I, Tony Stark, am dead. Wow, that sounds cliched. Anyways, the battle of New York and being on the Avengers made me realize that when shit hits the fan and I die, I don't have any notes to be given to you guys (Pepper, Rhodey, Robots, Avengers, etc.) with my will. So, here goes." Oneshot. Post-Avengers.


_This note may only be read when the following are present:_

 _Pepper Potts, James Rhodes, Jarvis, U, Dummy, Butterfingers, Natasha Romanoff, Steve Rogers, Clint Barton, Bruce Banner, and Thor._

 _No one other than the above may be present when this note is read. (Looking at you, Fury, aka Nosy McNosypants III)_

 _Dear all,_

 _If you're reading this, I, Tony Stark, am dead. Wow, that sounds cliched. Anyways, the battle of New York and being on the Avengers made me realize that when shit hits the fan and I die, I don't have any notes to be given to you guys (Pepper, Rhodey, Robots, Avengers, etc.) with my will. So, here goes._

 _PS. The will has my full notes._

 _Pepper,_

 _I always have, and always will love you. But when I die, please move on. Find a guy who loves you as much as I did, find a guy who can actually show it._

 _Pepper, you were right. I should have seen a psychiatrist. You were right about the PTSD, the reason I can't even fucking put my head under water without having a panic attack. I had to use a freaking night light because the darkness reminded me of Afghanistan too much. Afghanistan reduced me to a child, Pepper, and I was too afraid to ask for help._

 _You are the light to the darkness around my heart (oh wait, I don't even have one of those anymore). When you found me sitting on the ledge of Avengers (it used to be Stark then, right?) tower, dangling my legs over the edge, flirting with death with a bottle of scotch in my hand, you were the one who coaxed me from stepping off the ledge. You put the arc reactor back in after I pulled it out and laid down to try and die. I remember that I asked, "Why?" and you said, "Tony, I love you. I need you." And I think that is the other way around and you will be the reason I will survive if I decide to try again. Then again, if you're reading this, I might have succeeded._

 _Pep, as my will dictates, you get Stark Industries. I think you'll be a better CEO than I ever was. I would say see you on the other side, but I think you and I will be going different places in the afterlife, and yours will be a hell of a lot more angelic._

 _Rhodey,_

 _Wow, I don't know what to say. You are my rock. Don't throw your life away like I did. Make sure to get Pep through this, and make sure she gets you through this too._

 _Remember when we first met? I don't. I was drunk at the time. I just remember that you were still there after the hangover, and that was enough for me. (Well, and a few background checks from Jarvis). I guess that's a mirror of my life. I was damaged goods and then Afghanistan happened and I was even worse, but you stayed._

 _I know you like guns, so I gave you all of the Iron Man and War Machine suits. You also get most of my weapon designs too. Some of them are too dangerous to be anything more than a design, so when I die, Jarvis will make sure they die with me._

 _Honestly, when I die the press will probably throw a party. So do me a favor, and join in. Drink some of their cheap champagne for me._

 _Robots,_

 _U, Dummy, Butterfingers, take care of each other. If Fury tries to take you away, you have permission to set Jarvis on him. I know he hates the guy. Also, feel free to zap the Avengers when you see fit. Dummy, I bequeath to you all of the fire extinguishers in Avengers tower. Rhodey will get a kick out of that._

 _Jarvis, remember the great man I modeled you after. Edwin Jarvis took care of me, and so did you. Ugh, Jarvis, you're making me cry. Just keep the Avengers and Pep and Rhodey and the robots safe. I don't think they'll be too sad, but just in case, y'know. I'm sorry I couldn't be a better person. When this note is distributed, all of my classified secrets about myself may be unclassified and told as you see fit. I'll be dead so I can't really argue._

 _Avengers,_

 _Sorry, but not sorry._

 _Natasha, or should I say Natalie Rushman? I read the SHIELD file. "Iron Man, yes, Tony Stark, no.". Not gonna lie, that hurt. Oh well. You were just doing your job. To be frank, you did your job wrong though. Narcissism? Pft. Try depression and PTSD. Ever heard of the Afghanistan incident? Sure, I totally have Narcissism._

 _Barton, you're a pretty cool guy from the time I've known you. Minus the mind-controlled part, of course. Other than that I got nothing else to say._

 _PS. I made you a new hearing aid. Jarvis can tell you where it is. Don't give him that face, I read your file._

 _PPS. I hid a secret room connected to one of the vents. Good luck finding it!_

 _Brucie-poo, Science bro, Jolly green giant, stay that way. If you ever do anything suicidally stupid, I will come back from the grave to slap you. Don't try me._

 _If I would have to make a list of my best (human) friends, you would be third. Which is saying something. I don't really trust easily after Obie, so good job (I guess?). Also, I made Jarvis make a list of every single science pun that exists, so go to town._

 _Thor, sorry about Loki. I'll have Jarvis but you some pop tarts._

 _Captain America, I'm sorry, but if I'm dead then I am calling all of your BS. You say Howard Stark was a heroic man, but you didn't know him like I did. He was always searching for you, or drinking, or shouting at me. (His favorite was "If Captain America was alive he would never even think about saving you!") Maria had to do the job of two parents with no experience, so I'm sorry if I didn't idolize Howard as much as you. I could go on for days about how much you are wrong, but I already did. Jarvis can show you if you want to go into depth here, but I don't._

 _Anyways, that's all for now. See you later (or not),_

 _Tony Stark_

 _Last edited: Today_

OOOOO

Pepper walked in the workshop, her high heels clicking. She hugged Tony, resting her chin on his shoulder.

"What are you writing?", she asked. He closed the window before she could read anything.

"Oh, nothing."


End file.
